Believe In You, Believe In Me
Ok so I'm gonna get a little more emoush in this post but it's gonna be quick and painless and then I'm done.
So things on the blog have been a little slow lately. It kinda took me a while to settle after my holiday; it's always hard coming back to work and I do believe there is a link to how good the holiday was to how hard it is to settle back at work lol. And then it started to highlight some things that I wasn't happy with and things that weren't really going my way. I started to feel sorry for myself and became the queen of the passive aggressive self-pity party. This kinda went on for a month really and affected different areas of my life where I begun to withdraw from friends, family, relationships, work and even yes the blog. I just lost interest and have felt like I've had a mind blank, like I've literally had nothing to say to anyone. Now, my mother always told me that when you feel bad, let yourself have a moment to cry/feel sorry for yourself/whatever and then dress up and shake it off. But this time I just couldn't shake it off. Sorry mum! And then I started to compare myself to others e.g. why am I not doing as well as them, why are they having a better time and I'm not etc, etc, etc. This was even more intensified with social media. When you're battling the blues, comparing yourself to those on social media is a dangerous little game I tell ya! Just made me feel even worse. Like right now, I hate Instagram. I hate being aware of how many likes a picture is getting or how many followers I've got. So I don't really post as much anymore. It gives me anxiety which is so stupid because it's not even a real thing. Weird.
So I was in a funk. I don't want this to sound like I was depressed or anything because that's a different level...I've simply been in a life funk or blank or whatever you wanna call it. And I couldn't put my finger on why I felt the way I did and it made me so easily irritable! Like everyone and everything annoyed me at the blink of an eye and then that negative feeling would just linger for ages. I found that by opening up with a few people (which is hard for me because I have a lot of pride and don't want to let on that anything is ever wrong) I started to realise that right now my life is just feeling a little out of my control and I'm reacting negatively to it. I'm a huge control freak and so with things not going how I want them to go at the minute, I'm freaking out a little. With my 25th birthday fast approaching, I feel like I should have my shit figured out as I solidly am adult now (though I still feel like a teenager in my mind). But then I've started thinking that maybe my 20s isn't about having my shit figured out but about figuring my shit out. See what I did there lol ;) . It's a journey and I've got to let it happen, reflect on things and then go back to the drawing board and start again. I'm doing that now by allowing myself to be open to several new paths in my life and am kinda excited to see where they take me.
Sometimes you just have to let go and let live. Definitely my motto for my 25th birthday year. And just try and be proud of what I've already achieved in my life rather than focusing on where I should be now. Should is not a friendly word, I'm starting to realise more and more. Reading this back, it all sounds very melodramatic haha and so without blabbering on any further, I'm ready to go back to more blogging ... or at least just enjoying the blogging again. Apologies to interrupt the usual feed of holiday posts and outfit changes, I just wanted to get real for a second. And though you as a reader might not necessarily care about my internal thoughts, it feels so damn good to get it off my chest, like therapy or something. And that's it! Over and out xo
P.S. I leave you with an oldie MJ Blige song, which I so kindly borrowed the words for the title of this post! I used to loooove this song!! Plus the girl knows how to rock a beret, which is harder than it looks .... I know from personal experience lol xo